Battle Cry

by Jane And Mark Lewis

Background
Rating
Characters
Staging
Script

Background

This sketch was written for a series on Gideon - it is based on Judges ch. 7.Originally we didn't think it worked that well but as others have used and adapted it successfully it's earned its 5-pot rating.

Rating

Characters

Two soldiers in the army of Gideon

Staging

The two are hiding behind a rock (could be something as simple as a table on its side).

Script

One: Where have you been?
Two: Call of nature mate! call of nature!
[Pause]
One: For 5 hours?
Two: Well no-one told me we were moving camp did they?
One: How did you ever get in the army?
Two: By lapping water like a dog if I remember correctly...Anyway what's the plan of attack then?
One: Plan of attack?
Two: Yea the bit where we rush screaming into the enemy camp with swords flailing cutting the enemy to shreds...
One: Swords...hmmm
Two: Yea - y'know long pointy metal things.
One: I know what a sword is!
Two: Well where are they then?
One: To tell you the truth I don't think swords featured in the plan.....or did they.....
Two: What! They didn't feature! Well call me old fashioned if you will but whatever new fangled weapon Gideon has come up with I'd still prefer a trusty old sword in my hand for battle. So what are we going to be armed with then?
One: A trumpet...A jug...and a lamp.
Two: Oh great! Oh just marvellous that is! So he expects us to waltz up to the enemy and say "Der Der der da der Dah [Miming] Excuse me Mr. Midianite would you mind holding still whilst I set you on fire and break this jug over your head." [Pause] Can't see it working myself - can you?
One: I don't think that was quite what Gideon had in mind. No, he said, "When you hear my group's trumpet blast then blow your trumpet, smash your jar, raise the lamp and shout..
Two: ...and shout "get back, get back - I'm warning you I'm armed with a broken pot"
One: No!...
Two: Yes! I can see it now - all the Midianites are going to say "Ooh Scary Scary Scary, don't they look mean!"
One: No, no listen! we're supposed to shout "A sword for the Lord and for Gideon"
Two: Oh I get it "Excuse me Mr. Midianite could I have your sword - well it is for charity - you see Gideon doesn't have one."
One: No dope! Its supposed to be a rousing battle cry! The whole idea is that with the noise and light God will throw the Midianites into terror, chaos and confusion.
Two: Oh that sounds better...
One: Uh Oh. That was Gideon's trumpet. Here we go!
Both: [They both jump to their feet and shout at the tops of their voices] Der der der da der dah! Smash! Crash! A sword for the Lord and for Gideon!