Copyright © 1989, 2003 Jane
And Mark Lewis. http://www.pottedjam.org Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
by Jane And Mark Lewis
This sketch is a monologue of a Roman officer investigating the disappearance
of Jesus' body. He is interviewing the Roman soldiers posted
to guard the tomb. The sketch is based on Matthew 27:62 - 28:15 and is
aimed at highlighting some of the evidence for Jesus' resurrection.
Lucius a Roman military investigator.
The monologue can be addressed to the front row of the audience/congregation
as if they were the 16 soldiers being interviewed. Lucius should
be dressed in modern military combat gear and have a clipboard for referring
to/making notes on. Pauses for responses of the soldiers are indicated
by an ellipsis (
Lucius: Hail Caesar. At Ease. Right, I am Centurion
Lucius Special Investigator for the Governor. Pilate himself has ordered
me to look into the body-snatching of this so called prophet - er
[refers to clipboard] ? Jesus of Nazareth. You men were appointed
to watch the tomb at the express request of the Jewish authorities to prevent
just this sort of embarrassing incident. Now I couldn't care less about
the Jews and their petty religious squabblings, but you have embarrassed
the governor and disgraced the army of Caesar and now the press have got
hold of it. I intend to get to the bottom of this - understood?
Right. I've read your reports and all sixteen of you say, and
I quote, "the dead mans followers came and stole the body while we were
asleep" is that correct?
From what I understand, since his arrest this
mans followers have been about as organised as a Barbarian-in-a-bog and
couldn't catch a fish let alone rob a grave. But, you're trying to tell
me that these Galilean bumpkins managed to clamber past you, move a 2-ton
rock and steal a dead body and you bunch of babies SLEPT THROUGH IT!!
You realise of course that falling asleep on guard duty is an act of
gross negligence for which you will be court martialled?
In any case ? how come you know it was the Galileans if you were
all asleep, hmm?
Oh I see so the chief priests said it was his
followers did they? And they were there I suppose?
are no eyewitnesses to say that there was anyone near the tomb that night
apart from a few women at dawn
No soldier I don't think that even with
you guarding the tomb that the women stole the body - and if you make another
comment like that youll be on report.
Listen you lot - do you think I was born yesterday? You claim
that as trained guards you couldn't manage to stay awake for a few hours
to prevent some unknown thieves stealing a body. Do me a favour,
someone has bribed you and I want to know who. NOW!
Ah so it was the
chief priests! Hah - I thought as much they probably want to blame
the Galileans so they can have them hanged too. So where's
the body then?
You don't know!
Come on spit it out ? you, name?
Marcus lets hear it
ANGELS??!!! Are you crazy
Marcus ? you expect me to believe that!
No wait let me get this straight.
There was an almighty flash of lightning brighter than the sun followed
by a thunderous earthquake as a fiery angel burst out of nowhere, rolled
away the stone and then you all passed out? Expect me to believe that!
Dismissed! Get out all of you I'll deal with your punishment later.
If youre going to accept bribes you really ought to invent better cover
[he sits]. What is going on? We don't have
the body, the Jews don't have the body, the Galileans don't have it - where
in Caesar's name is it?
Copyright © 1989, 2003 Jane And
Mark Lewis. http://www.pottedjam.org
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