Nehemiah II - The Revenge

by Jane And Mark Lewis

Background
Rating
Characters
Staging
Script

Background

This sketch is based on Nehemiah chapters 4 and 6 and forms the second in a series of three sketches about Nehemiah's story.

Rating

Characters

Narrator
Sanballat - a troublemaker
Tobiah - his less than intelligent sidekick

Staging

Through most of the sketch Sanballat and Tobiah stand facing the audience as if the wall of Jerusalem was at the back of the hall. Two chairs are required on stage.

Script

Narrator: And so, under Nehemiah's supervision the rebuilding of the wall of Jerusalem began. Not everyone was pleased with the work...
Sanballat & Tobiah: [entering] Ere we go, ere we go, ere we go....
Sanballat: Have a seat Tobiah. Brilliant seats these. Best in the house
Tobiah: Really Sanballet?
Sanballat: Yeh – best seats in that house there [points], the one with the hole in the roof by the wall! I nicked 'em yesterday! [Both laugh] Oi! fishface. Call that a wall. Wallpaper more like! Ha ha ha.
Tobiah:    Oi! paperface. Call that a fish.....
Sanballat: [interrupting] Here Tobiah.
Tobiah: Yeh what Sanballat?
Sanballat: You haven't exactly got the hang of insulting the Jews about their wall-building yet have you?
Tobiah: No?
Sanballat:    No. Look, sit down and watch the master at work [They sit] Actually let's sit down and watch other people work. I love watching other people work. [Pause] Here do you want a sandwich?
Tobiah: What are they?
Sanballat: Chicken Surprise
Tobiah: Whats the surprise?
Sanballat: Dunno. 'Spect it came as a bit of a shock to the chicken though. Oh look! Watch that one there, see, carrying that big stone. He’s going to drop it. Look... [pause] Told ya. Oi! You dropped it you prat. Ready:
Both: Dum, dum dum. Another one bites the dust. Dum Dum Dum Another one bites the dust. [they laugh]
Sanballat: Hey he’s shouting something...[pause]...Ooooo. Touchy. We were only talkin’ . Weren’t we Tobiah.
Tobiah: Yeh
Sanballat:    Haven’t you heard....
Both: Its good to talk!
Sanballat: Well I think that’s enough for today...[leaving] Same time same place tomorrow Tobiah?
Tobiah: Yep.
[exit]
Narrator:    Day 17.
[Sanballat and Tobiah enter]
Tobiah: Um...Sanballat?
Sanballat: Yeh what?
Tobiah: The walls look taller. I’m sure there was a hole there yesterday [points]
Sanballat: Nah. You’re imaginin' it. [loudly] Made of gravel that wall is. [Shouting] You can't make a wall out of gravel lads. Oh No [mimes being about to sneeze] I’m going to sneeze. Look out for flying masonry!
Tobiah: Oi! you! Watch it! If that dog jumps on the wall it'll all collapse! [they laugh]
Sanballat: Nice one Tobiah. Hey don’t look now but there’s Nehemiah. What a prat. Hey Nehemiah nice wall mate...
Both: NOT!!!!
Sanballat: Hey where'd he go?
Tobiah: He's still there. Look he’s kneeling down.
Sanballat: Begging for mercy probably.
Tobiah: Well his lips are moving. Here...
Both: [they look at each other] He's praying.
Tobiah: Here you don't think....[they look skywards]
Sanballat: Nah. Load of mumbo jumbo. [They exit nervously]
Narrator:    Day 29.
[Sanballat and Tobiah enter]
Sanballat: Here I've got a new joke for you Tobiah
Tobiah: Yeh, what’s that then
Sanballet: How do you make a Jewish Builder squeal?
Tobiah: I dunno
Sanballat: You Knee 'em Higher. Geddit Knee 'em higher! [they collapse laughing] Right now as I said earlier we'll check out where all the weak points of the wall are today then we’ll pop back with some of the lads and knock a few holes in their plans. Ha ha. Now where did I put my pen..[looks down]
Tobiah: Er...Sanballat?
Sanballat: What?
Tobiah: You see those pointy things that the Jews are carrying.
Sanballat: What pointy things...[looks up]...Oh!
Tobiah: They look a bit like spears, and swords, and..
Sanballat: Yes I get the picture. Aargh. Foiled again. They're on to us. We'll never get the rest of the lads to help us with that lot armed to the teeth. Blast! [they exit hurriedly]
Narrator:    Day 52.
[Sanballat and Tobiah enter]
Sanballat: Right, back to the grindstone. Ere we go. [sighs] Oi! monkey features. Call that a wall?
Tobiah: Er....actually.....yes!
Sanballat: Not you doofus, them.
Tobiah: But it is a wall. Look, they’ve finished.
Sanballat: What? No you’re right [pauses to look up & down the wall] They have finished!
Both: I don’t believe it!
[freeze]