Missed Opportunity

by Jane And Mark Lewis

Background
Rating
Characters
Staging
Script

Background

This sketch was written to try to show that there is more to Christmas than a children's story. Jesus' coming into this world presents us with a challenge - one that, if we ignore too long, means we will miss out. It was originally written for and performed at an ecumenical service held in a Catholic Church.

No mention of Bethlehem is made to allow the geographical jokes (e.g. Driffield) to work (the original was performed in York) You'll have to pick towns to fit your context, obviously.

Rating

Characters

Husband (a shepherd)
his Wife

Staging

Enough to suggest a Living Room - e.g. comfy chairs and telly. Tip: If you are performing this in a church building it may be awkward getting a real sofa on stage. You can use a couple of ordinary church chairs placed together with a "throw" over them to make them look more sofa-like.

Script

[Scene 1]
Wife: [putting on a coat] So you coming then?
Husband: [sitting watching telly] Where?
Wife: To the stable, to see the baby?
Husband: What baby?
Wife: The one the angels told you about.
Husband: Oh that baby, yes, yes of course...[doesn't move]
Wife: Well, come on then.
Husband: Alright, alright I'm coming. [they both leave]

[Scene 2]
Wife: So you coming then?
Husband: Where to?
Wife: To see the baby.
Husband: Again?! We went yesterday.
Wife: No I went yesterday. You came with me as far as the inn, nipped in for a swift half, and I never saw you again.
Husband: Well, I was having a philosphical conversation with the lads about virtual reality and how many pints it takes to get there.
Wife: What time did you get home this morning?
Husband: Oh er .. about 1 o'clock.
Wife: Oh fine. [pause] Well are you coming or not?
Husband: Well I would only Rangers are at home to United and the match kicks off in half an hour so I thought I'd stay in and watch it.
Wife: Oh please yourself then. You don't know what your missing though.
Husband: Yeah, well you have a nice time. [Wife leaves]

[Scene 3]
Husband: [asleep in front of telly] ZZZzzzzzz
Wife: [entering] Guess what, guess what?
Husband: Uh? [waking up] Wassat?
Wife: Some strange men have arrived.
Husband: Sheep rustlers again is it? Wait til I get my shot gun.
Wife: You don't have a shotgun dear.
Husband: What? Huh? Uh, Oh No. No I don't do I.
Wife: Don't be silly dear.
Husband: Well where are they?
Wife: They're not here love they're at the stable - they came to see the baby.
Husband: Oh. Oh I see. [pause] You woke me up to tell me that?
Wife: They were from the East.
Husband: You don't mean, [pause] Driffield?
Wife: No the Far East.
Husband: All the way from Scunthorpe?!
Wife: No they were from Arabia
Husband: That's a long way to see a baby.
Wife: They brought him gifts: Gold, frankincense and myrrh.
Husband: That's a bit daft. I would've thought nappies and a cuddly toy would be much more appropriate.
Wife: Oh I give up. I'm going to bed. There's no talking to you.
Husband: 'Night. [To himself] What a funny carry on.

[Scene 4]
Wife: So, you coming then?
Husband: No I don't think so. Sounds like he's got enough important people going to see him without me.Besides [sniffs & coughs pathetically] I think I'm coming down with something anyway. You go though.
Wife: [sigh] Alright then. See you later.
Husband: Bye. [To himself] What's the attraction? Its only a baby in a stable. I ask you.... Mind you its not every baby who arrives heralded by angels. Maybe I had better go and see what all the fuss is about. Yes, I'll go tomorrow....

[Scene 5 - roles reversed]
Husband: You coming then?
Wife: Where to?
Husband: See this baby you've been telling me about.
Wife: It's too late.
Husband: Why? What do you mean? He's not.....
Wife: No. They've gone - whole family. Had to leave the country. Herod's after them. I thought you'd've heard about it.
Husband: No. I hadn't. Oh No, I really wanted to see him as well.
Wife: Well you should've come with me.
Husband: Yes I suppose so.
Wife: Well its your own fault...
Husband: Yes, I know
Wife: ...now you've missed your opportunity.
[Husband looks at audience. Freeze.]