1990, 2003 Jane
And Mark Lewis. http://www.pottedjam.org Email:
The Ninth Hour News
by Jane And Mark Lewis
This was one of our most popular sketches in its day. It
relied on Mark
doing a very passable impression of John Cole who was, at
the time, the
BBC News Political Editor. He was renowned for his
Irish accent and his authoritative, impartial reporting
littered with mixed
We wondered what would happen if John Cole was
reporting on Jesus' birth?
This was the result. See also Sunrise
The sketch is a 5-pot rating as others have used it
successfully. However, in this current form it very
dated (this version
is the third rewrite from 1992). The BBC News isn't even
on at 9 o'clock
anymore! However, the principle remains valid and it
could be successfully
rewritten to match a more up-to-date political
commentator (at the time
of writing Andrew Marr surely?) and with some topical
Anna Daptor - Newsreader
John Charcoal - Political Editor of the PBC
Anna is sat at a desk, John standing to the side with
microphone at the
Voiceover: This is PBC1
Broadcasting Corporation]....bringing you the
Ninth Hour News with
Anna: The headlines
The Shekel is taken out of the
2 Roman soldiers are killed in
Worsening traffic congestion
causes chaos throughout
the country, and
Rumours are flying that the
Messiah has been born
The Chancellor Yitzhak Lamont
today pulled the
shekel out of the Roman Exchange Mechanism - allowing
it to float freely
on the market. The move came after the
incredible market pressure
of the last few weeks culminating yesterday in Black
shekel closed at 2.347 against the Roman denarius.
Two soldiers of the Roman
Security Forces were
stabbed and killed earlier today in an ambush near
Zealot Revolutionary Army have claimed
responsibility. The attack
is seen as a reprisal after the recent security
clampdown in Northern Galilee
in which a number of Galilean civilians were killed.
As the whole country still seems
on the move,
due to the census, traffic congestion is
worsening. There have been
widespread reports of traffic jams and overcrowded
Today there was a five mile tailback on the Jerusalem
to Jericho road.
The manager of the Ben Hilton hotel chain today said
his hotels were still
unable to cope with demand for rooms.
But our main story this evening
is the controversy
that has been sparked by the birth of a boy in
Bethlehem who some are claiming
to be the Messiah. We go over to Bethlehem
now to our chief
political and religious correspondent - John
Charcoal. John can you
fill us in.
John: Well yes indeed Anna. A few
weeks ago a boy,
Jesus Davidson, was born to a Nazarene couple here in
Bethlehem - and there
have been subsequent claims that he might, in fact, be
The main proponents of this view are a group of local
shepherds who are
claiming to have been told by over 50,000 angels that
this is indeed the
Messiah and that his arrival heralds the best news since
Rangers went 3:1 up against Jerusalem United.
Anna: What about the
the ground here in Jerusalem?
John: As you might expect Anna - the city
has been in
uproar. Everyone from pauper to priest is talking about
what this all means
and whether the timing is right for the Messiah to be
the Prophet was quoted as saying..
"My eyes have seen your salvation which you have
prepared in the sight
of all people. A light for revelation to the
Gentiles and for glory
to your people Israel".
This is pretty confident language from Simeon who
that this Jesus is the Saviour.
Anna: What has been
reaction from the government.
John: Well, the reaction from the palace
has been typically
strong. Herod is reported to have been "in a
stomping rage" - and
so, I have been told, he is planning to massacre all the
young boys in
the Bethlehem region to dispose of any opposition.
Anna: Is Herod MAD?!!!
John: He's absolutely furious, Anna.
by being snubbed by an Eastern delegation who, after
meeting the boy, left
the country without returning to Jerusalem. Indeed thay
left without even
giving Herod any hint of where the meeting
occurred. Herod was then
apparently tipped off by the chief priests that the boy
would be found
Anna: Is that where
he is now John?
John: Its difficult to say actually
Anna. His parents
have been unavailable for comment and no-one has seen
the boy for some
days. Sources close to the family say that they are
meeting behind closed
doors to discuss their future. Most believe that
they will leave
Anna: John - you're
the waters as it were - do you think that he poses a
major threat to the
John: Well Anna if I had to come down on
one side or the
other I wouldn't! Its too early to say, at this
stage, whether the
boy does pose such a threat. I would say that he
is is most likely
to stay out of the limelight building popular support
for some future challenge.
So, undoubtably a boy to keep an eye on and I suspect
we'll see more of
him in times ahead. But, from the polarisation of
views about him,
already, he looks like one of those people who you're
either for or against.
Anna: What kind of
Jesus Davidson make?
John: Well I just don't know Anna.
If he is the
Messiah then of course he will rescue the nation, but
I'm keeping my mind
open as to how he would achieve this. The Zealots
along with the
far-right of the Pharisaical Party would prefer the
Those more left of centre in the Party, along with the
seek a more pragmatic "restoration of Zion". What
I think is most
interesting is what Simeon hinted at - that salvation
could be for more
people than just the Jews - which would be a very
unpopular path to tread.
However, I do think that, at the end-of-the-day each one
of us will have
to make up our own minds about him.
Anna: Thank you,
John: Thank you Anna.
Anna: That was the
Ninth Hour News.
Copyright © 1990,
2003 Jane And
Mark Lewis. http://www.pottedjam.org
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