ContentsYork Community Church with the name of your church.
Woman: [Carrying a pre-paid mobile phone box] Yes I'm interested in this mobile.....
Assistant: Ah yes. The pray-as-you-go model is very popular these days, madam. Do you have a York Community Church Reward Point Loyalty Advantage Clubcard?
Woman: Yes - and I'd like to convert my vouchers to reward points [searches in handbag/purse for vouchers pulls out a huge sheaf of vouchers]
Assistant: That's alot of vouchers Madam.
Woman: Yes I'm saving up.
Assistant: Right let's see. [starts to flick through the vouchers].10 Family Service attendance vouchers.
Woman: Yes and they're sequential. [Proudly] I came 10 weeks in a row.
Assistant: Excellent madam - you realise that doubles your Reward Points.
Woman: Oh yes. And 6 of the weeks were during term time so do I qualify for lunch?
Assistant: Are you a student madam?
Assistant: I'm afraid if you're not a student there's no such thing as a free lunch.
Woman: Oh I see.
Assistant: But your 200 points from the Family Services plus the 50 points from the pray-as-you-go-mobile gives you 250 reward points. Now that entitles you to a free place on the Sunday School trip to Kinderland or a visit from the church Elders at a time convenient to yourself.
Woman: No, no. As I said I'm saving up and we haven't finished all my vouchers yet.
Assistant: Yes of course. What other vouchers do you have.
Woman: Well I have these from housegroup. And some from the Communion Service...
Assistant: My you have been busy
Woman: ...and [very boastfully] a 1000-reward-point attendance voucher from the Prayer Meeting.
Assistant: [v. impressed] My goodness madam. [Holding it up to the light to check it] We don't see many of these I can tell you!!! You'll be able to select from a very wide choice of items from our York Community Church Reward Point Loyalty Advantage Clubcard catalogue.
Woman: Oh I know what I want - I'm saving up for Eternal Life. Have I got enough points yet?
Assistant: I'm sorry to disappoint you but Eternal life isn't part of the reward scheme.
Assistant: Reward points don't count towards eternal life, madam.
Woman: But, but - I don't understand you're always talking about it in here - it must be part of the scheme.
Assistant: I'm afraid not, madam. You see Eternal Life is pre-paid. Its a free gift madam!
Woman: You mean I can't earn it with my reward points?
Assistant: [patiently]No madam. That is correct.
Woman: Well how do I get Eternal Life?
Assistant: Well madam if you just take a seat over there the speaker will be along any minute - he'll explain everything. Thank you for choosing York Community Church. Have a nice day!
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