Cleansing the Temple

by Jane And Mark Lewis

Background
Rating
Characters
Staging
Script

Background

Mark was preaching on 2 Chronicles 29 and Hezekiah's reformation - the cleansing of the Temple and the re-introduction of Temple worship into the life of Judah. As the context was an all-age service we thought about how we could get the story of the cleansing of the Temple across and struck on the idea of performing it as if it was a TV makeover show with a guest designer. Pastiche was born - as a mash-up of a whole load of flamboyant designer/PR-types from various TV and film sources. The sketch was first performed the Sunday after the Opening Ceremony of the London 2012 Summer Olympics - hence topical reference at the end of the sketch.

(You can hear the original performance approximately 10 minutes into this audio file of the sermon).

Rating

Characters

Zechariah - a Levite who is acting as liaison between the Royal Palace and the Temple staff
Pastiche - A flamboyant interior designer

Staging

Pastiche and Zechariah start to one side of the stage when they meet and move centre-stage to inspect the "temple". They are peering through the "doors" into the gloom beyond - i.e. where the congregation/audience is is the interior of the temple.

Script

Zechariah:   Hi there, I'm Zechariah – Royal Temple Liasion, you must be…
Pastiche:   Pastiche darling. Pastiche. But everyone calls me Pasti.
Zechariah:   Er OK. Nice to meet you … Pasti. You can call me Zak. You are our royal…
Pastiche:    Interior designer darling. Yes that's right. Apparently you've got quite a big job for me. I do love a challenge darling. Show me. Show me. Come along I haven't got all day.
Zechariah:   Right yes of course this way. Well it is a big job … the temple. Now, we've managed to get the doors open….
Pastiche:   Marvellous look at the wood. Look at the height – they are gorgeous. Darling I love these doors. These doors must stay….
Zechariah:   Well yes we'd rather hoped they would – it gets a bit draughty otherwise… it was more the interior …
Pastiche:   Of course darling, of course. I am after all an interior designer – let's have a look
Zechariah:   Sorry it's bit dark – hopefully you can see - we haven't got the lights working again yet. Ahaz refused to pay the bill. So they got cut off.
Pastiche:   What did?
Zechariah:   The wicks in the oil lamps. Cut-off. We can't get them re-lit.
Pastiche:   Dear me, darling. [peers in] I see – Its full of junk. Dear me this is all going to have to go – we'll have to clear all of this out. All of it. Awful. I mean look at that idol over there – so last year darling.
Zechariah:   Yes we do need to clear it out and then….
Pastiche:   And then darling _ I can see it now. Here's the thing. The thing is we will have a wonderful space to fill with …. With white. Yes white. It's the new black darling. Everything must be white. Minimalist. Bright. It will make a statement darling.
Zechariah:   Yes I believe King Hezekiah was hoping it would be a bit more back to how it used to be – you know before.
Pastiche:   Back? Back darling? No not back. I never look back darling. It distracts from the now!
Zechariah:   Ah. Let me see…..[pauses, inspiration strikes]. Well perhaps we should go for, you know, a more retro feel.
Pastiche:   Of course. Retro. I love it. Yes we can do the whole retro thing. Gold on the walls. With some lovely little, gorgeous gold, gorgeous things oh yes I love it.
Zechariah:   That's it exactly- we'll need the old temple equip…er…objets to really complete that retro temple look and er…we'll need them for the sacrifices.
Pastiche:   Sacrifices darling? What sacrifices? Apart from my sacrifice for my art obviously.
Zechariah:   Well you know the sacrifices – we'll need to dedicate the temple and consecrate the temples arti….objets. er…by splashing them with blood!
Pastiche:   Blood darling? Blood? On my nice new retro temple gold.. I don’t think so….
Zechariah:   But we really need the sacrifices ...
Pastiche:   No wait darling. Wait. [pause]. Of course! Red. Red and Gold. Totally. Yes that could work.
Zechariah:    So that's all good then ...
Pastiche:    OK darling now have you thought about the Opening Ceremony. I think we should invite all the other nations and I have this vision of doves, not real doves but people dressed as doves….
Zechariah:    [gently directing Pastiche off-stage] Actually we already have somebody in mind for the Opening Ceremony - have you heard of O. Danny Boye?