Heaven & Hell

by Jane & Mark Lewis

Background
Rating
Characters
Staging
Scripts

Background

We probably wrote this sketch originally for an evangelistic context. With shows like "The Good Place" being so popular, now I would use it in a church context as a way of doing some myth-busting about what heaven is like and as an introduction to a talk about the fact that our Christian hope is for resurrection and we are looking forward to a new creation where heaven comes to earth and God dwells with his people on the renewed earth (Revelation 21).

Rating

Characters

1 - someone who thinks they know it all (but doesn't)
2 - someone who knows they don't know it all

Staging

Black background (if possible). The two actors are sat head-to-head across a table.

Script

1:    I can’t believe {insert name of recently deceased celebrity/well-known public figure} is dead!
2:    I know.
1:    Its incredible isn’t it — someone can be alive and well one minute and the next ... [clicks fingers] they’re gone!
2:    Gone where?
1:    Ah well that is the eternal question isn’t it.
2:    The eternal question of life you mean
1:    You mean death.
2:    Yeah so the eternal question of death is?
1:    Where do you go when you die?
2:    Oh right. Well where do you go when you die then?
1:    Well heaven
Both:    Obviously
2:    So what’s heaven like do you think then.
1:    Oh its very nice. You get free things.
2:    Just three?
1:    No “f” — free things.
2:    Like what sort of free things?
1:    Well you get a pair of wings
2:    Oh that’s handy. Save on the air fares! What else?
1:    You get a white dress!
2:    I’m not wearing a white dress!
1:    No, its sort of like the one’s vicars wear — only white.
2:    Well what do I want a white dress for anyway?
1:    So that you look good in the heavenly choir.
2:    I’m not being in any heavenly choir — I can’t sing!
1:    Yeh, we know that. They’ll probably just give you a harp or something.
2:    And what am I going to do with a harp?
1:    Sit around on a cloud I expect.
2:    Ha Ha. Do you get one of those thingies
1:    What thingies?
2:    You know those glorified polo mints you wear on your head.
1:    Oh — halos. Yeh, you get one of those.
2:    Well what are they for?
1:    Well when you get bored you can use it to play frisbee.
2:    Why would you be bored?
1:    Well heaven’s sort of like a church service — only longer.
2:    How long?
1:    Well the sermon will probably go on for 1 or 2...
2:    hours?
1:    ... million years. {insert name of preacher}’ll be preaching you see.
2:    What do you do in all that time?
1:    Well you know be nice to everyone, worship God, that sort of thing.
2:    Oh great!?!
1:    If you don’t like it you can go to hell .
2:    Oh thanks!
1:    No I meant, you know, go “downstairs”.
2:    Oh I see ... well it might be more interesting — it’s warmer for a start!
1:    Yes — but hell is where all the thieves and murderers and adulterers go!
2:    Well it’ll be lively then!
1:    But hell is where all the really, really evil people go like Hitler! Just think you might end up sharing a room with Ronald McDonald.
2:    Ronald McDonald’s not evil.
1:    Yeah but would you like to spend eternity in the same room as him!
2:    No s’pose not.
1:    and course you know there aren’t any toilets in hell?
2:    Where do you get that idea from?
1:    It says somewhere in the Bible that hell is damnation without relief.
2:    Nasty! Heaven it is then.
1:    Yeah I reckon so. Looks like ..........
Both:    we're going to be playing a lot of frisbee.