Christmas Monologues

by Jane And Mark Lewis

Background
Rating
Characters
Staging
Script

Background

This series of monologues was written to try to show the different reactions that people in the Christmas story may have had to the events they witnessed - the idea was to try to get people to think about what their own reaction is to Christ's coming. The monologues were originally performed interspersed in a traditional "carol & reading"-style Carol Service. Each monologue stands on its own and they could be performed independently. See also Great Expectations.

Rating

Characters

The Innkeeper's Wife
Benjamin, a shepherd
King Herod
Anna, a prophetess

Staging

No staging is required for the sketch - the monologues are intended in the most part to be directed towards the audience. Items of costume are important to try to suggest the role the person has. Monologues are much more difficult to do than ordinary sketches as they rely much more on the ability of the actor to act rather than on comic timing and delivering punch lines (like most of our other sketches!!). In particular, Herod needs to be played as especially arrogant, vengeful and vicious.

Script

Innkeeper's Wife:
[Reaction to Christmas: Inconvenience/hassle. Opportunity to make some money, with a passing thought to those who haven't got any. Feels she's doing her bit, helping out etc.]

I can't believe the number of people out there. You can't move in the market. They're everywhere buying food and clothing like there's no tomorrow. Mind you we can't complain the inn's never been so busy. Fourteen years we've been in business and we've never seen anything like it. Still it's all money isn't it. That's what makes the world go round. I mean people'll pay anything for a room. Still not much fun for those without but what do they expect - anyone would think we were a charity.

Mind I did feel sorry for the couple who turned up yesterday. They were from out of town but then isn't everyone. The woman was really pregnant. I thought typical, that's the government for you making a woman on the verge of childbirth trek half-way across the country for this census. Census, senseless, that what I call it!!

I was about to explain that we didn't have any space for them. Mind you they didn't look like they could pay for a room anyway. I know it's hard but we're all in business to make money. And I found myself saying no sorry the inn's full but you can bed down with the animals round the back if you like. Well you've got to help those less fortunate than yourself occasionally haven't you? But I did wish I hadn't 'cos it took me half an hour to tidy up and get fresh straw down. Mind you they were so grateful.

She's had it now. It's a boy. Lovely little thing he is. But it doesn't do to get too involved. Anyway they've had plenty of visitors. They know a lot of people in Bethlehem to say they're Northerners. These shepherds turned up earlier. Good job they were out in the stable. They were rough looking bunch. Still there's nothing worth nicking out there. You can't trust them you know. Always up to no good.

Don't look at me like that! All I'm saying is I'm glad that couple weren't staying in the main house not with the sort of people they attract. Anyway I've done them a favour really I've always said you should bring up children in a stable environment. Never mind!

Shepherd:
[Reaction to Christmas: Nothing special, no personal impact]

Hello there. My name's Benjamin, me and me bruvva Phillip run a shepherding business. I'm sure you've heard of us : Phil & Ben, the Shepherding Men. No flock too small. We have a regular ad. in the Befflehem Gazette you know.
Well we're partners at the moment, I don't know how long it will last, you see my bruvva has gone an got religion. What happened? Well it was a couple days ago we were up on the hills minding the sheep, as you do, and I nipped back to town to pick up some kebabs for us and the other lads - lamb, of course. Anyway I'd only been gone a short while but when I got back they were all jumping up and down and running around and gabbling away. I thought they'd all gone nuts! Well, Phil was so excited about something he could hardly get his words out. Apparently this bright light appeared and a voice said "Don't be afraid". And then they realised that it was an angel. Yeh an angel! Well the voice carried on, "I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people". And he told them that the Messiah had been born in town and that we'd find him in a manger of all places. Then, apparently, this huge heavenly choir began to sing praises to God. Well I took it all with a very large pinch of salt if you know what I mean. But anyway they wanted to go off and find this Messiah-baby. So I thought, 'who am I to stand in the way of progress' so I went along. And it was weird, really weird, because sure enough there was a couple staying in a stable in town, beneath the inn, and she'd just had a baby boy. And there he was, this tiny baby in the hay with his parents and the ox and everything. Oh it was a picture, come to think of it it'd make a lovely painting, anyway. It was really special ya know. Really made me think about the angels, and what they had said, whether this really could be the Messiah.....
But anway we're pretty busy just at the moment, lot of extra work on what wiv lookin' after people's flocks while the census is on. Listen, actually, keep it under your hat like, but ah, you know, if you want a nice joint of lamb. I can do you a good deal. Couple of the owners aren't too good at their sums - nahwhattamean - counting sheep sends them to sleep, so to speak. So if the odd sheep, goes astray or gets picked off by a nasty, big, bad wolf. Well - you know there may be a nice leg joint left over, lets say. Oh anyway must be off got see a man about a sheep dog.

Herod:
[Reaction to Christmas: Opposition: if its all true then sees it as a threat to his way of life]

Where are they? Where are they? They should have returned by now. Something's gone wrong - I can tell. I thought I had done so well. I was brilliant (even if I say so myself) when they came and said, "Where is he who is born King of the Jews?" I thought, ' YOU POMPOUS CAMEL-FACED DONKEY DROPPINGS - I AM THE KING OF THE JEWS!' But did I say that - no - I said, 'Wonder of wonders - has the Lord provided for us a new king. Let me consult my scribes.' That woke them up! I've never seen so many surprised, shocked and lets face it nervous scribes in one room in all my days as King. Still they told me what I wanted to know. So he's been born in Bethlehem eh? We'll see about that. So I said to these eastern fools. 'Our holy writings say that the King shall be born in Bethlehem. Pray, go and worship the babe there. Return here when you find him and I will come to worship too.' Like hell I will. Well off they went and so far nothing - no news at all. Where are they?? I need to know.
[pause]
Yes. Enter. What is it Zeriah
[pause]
What? GONE HOME! They can't just go home. How? I mean what an insult! They have tricked me! I'll kill them. I'll kill them.
[pause]
Oh do stop whinging Zeriah I know there would be "political and diplomatic consequences sire" but there would be rather more personal consequences for them first.... if I ever get my hands on those double-crossing, deceitful low-lifes then I WILL KILL THEM!
[pause]
Thats it! Herod you're a genius! Zeriah - get me the captain of the guard now. NOW!
... Now how long ago did they say that star appeared... Hmm... Better to be safe than sorry...
Ah Captain! There you are. Excellent. At ease and all that. I have a job for you. A small situation has developed in Bethlehem that needs containing. Take a detachment of men and kill every male child aged 2 or under in and around Bethlehem.
[pause]
Yes. You did hear me correctly. Now make sure it is swift and thorough - I don't want anyone escaping. Understand? Don't just stand there blubbering like an imbecile, man. Do it. And captain - do it well or I will have your children killed instead.

Anna:
[Reaction to Christmas: Joyful response to God]

You'll never guess what happened at the temple today. I was there he came. What do you mean who? The Messiah of course. How did I know he was the Messiah? Well Simeon has been waiting for Him, - we all have. You see God told him years ago that he wouldn't die until he had seen the Messiah. Any way Simeon came into the temple court this morning which is a bit odd 'cos he usually comes in in the afternoon. Anyway, I noticed that he was talking to this young couple with a baby. I didn't think too much of it until he took the baby in his arms and began praising God in the middle of the court. So I thought right I'd best go over and see what's happening. As I got closer I realised he was praising God for the Messiah, the baby he was holding. The couple well they were flabbergasted!! But, when I saw the child I knew that it was true, don't ask me how. I just knew. Praise God, its so wonderful, so exciting.

I'm eighty-four years old and today I saw the Messiah - as a little baby! God's promise fulfilled in such a tiny little life. I don't know you wait all your life for something wonderful to happen then when it does you're still amazed and surprised. It's all so unexpected. But that's what God's like. I mean if you could predict how he was going to do things he wouldn't be God would he?